Could He Exist Here?

Another day, another breath, another dream, another heartbeat.

My name's Alice. 21. Californian. Here's a place for all the random things that cross my mind, for my art, writings and thoughts, and a place for you to come dream with me.

Currently majorly obsessing about: Doctor Who, Rosex10, David Tennant, Arthur Darvill, AmyxRory, 11. Hunger Games. Harry Potter. Pushing Daisies. Big Bang Theory. Jim Parsons. SheldonxPenny. Hurts. Theo Hutchcraft. ArthurxAriadne. Inception. Alice in Wonderland. Tim Burton/Johnny Depp things. Tangled. Legend of Zelda. Once Upon a Time. Tom Hiddleston. RDJude. Sherlock Holmes/John Watson. Joseph Gordon Levitt. Zooey Deschanel. New Girl. Elementary. Downton Abbey. Lana Del Rey. Pretty boys and men in general. My little doggggg. Pretty things. Funny things. YUMMY THINGS. Lord of the Rings. Did I mention Doctor Who?

** Pretty much none of the gifs/photos here are ever mine, unless I explicitly say it is. :)

So just caught up with the latest two eps of OUAT…. 

To be honest, I fell behind, because shit was just not interesting me anymore. But tonight I was like oh whatever, might as well finish this season since I’m so far in now.

And whoa. I gotta hand it to you, OUAT, for knowing how to reel a viewer back in. 

FINALLY. FINALLY! We get a little more action around here. I’m loving the “Return” episode, because Rumpels in there was just wonderful and sad and I really just love him now (and I already loved him a lot). And when he was confessing to August? I was both wincing (because I knew August wasn’t Baelfire) and also just feeling the tears pour out because it was like OH MY GOD THIS SCENE IS SO TOUCHING AND SAD AND PERFECT AND BAWWW RUMPELS ILU U GIVE ME FEELS.

And then - AND THEN - We get the “Stranger”. And uhhh, damn. This ep is even better than the last. (Aside from all the Regina moments, esp. with David - ugh that bitch can just go die because idek what she’s up to now).

But THANK YOU AUGUST for being the THIRD character who knows the truth/tries to convince Emma. (Well, Huntsman was gonna get around to it, but he kinda didn’t have a chance). By the way….why is it only the young hotter guys that remember stuff? All the girls and other people are all like lalala I live in ignorant bliss… I guess it’s just to please girl viewers like me.

Anyhow. I was inwardly cheering the whole time August was trying to convince Emma….and for a moment I really believed it might have made an impact. For once. I mean how can you deny a wooden, sinewy leg that’s all creepy green and yellow?!

But then - But then - Emma can’t see it. SHE CAN’T EFFING SEE IT. And then suddenly she is rolling away from us again, “blinded by her own denial”, and throws a big fat avalanche of disappointment on my face by breaking August’s heart. She leaves August and thinks he’s just crazy now too and she’s like, NOPE, NOPE, CANT HANDLE THIS, YOU GUYS PICKED THE WRONG PERSON, CAN’T COPE, NOPE

And I’m just like 

Emma, Emma. WHY CAN’T YOU JUST BELIEVE IT ALREADY - THREE DAMN GUYS AND OTHER STRANGE EVENTS HAVE ALREADY BEEN TRYING TO ENLIGHTEN YOU - PLUS YOUR OWN KID - DON’T YOU THINK IT’S TOO COINCIDENTAL THAT EVERYONE IS EQUALLY MAD AND BELIEVES IN THE SAME FAIRY TALES?? How can it be that one man claims to be the Hatter, one man claims to be Pinocchio and one man magically dies in your arms, if there isn’t something to the whole storybook claim?! Blaaargh Emma, I’m starting to agree with August that you’re a terrible savior. Cuz how are you gonna save your own son and your parents when you refuse to even see the real problem?? Oooooh you make me SO frustrated.

So come on girl. You made one improvement in trying to take back your son, but it’s so small. Please make a big improvement now and just SEE THE TRUTH. Sincerely, a frustrated viewer.

Well, now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about what I loved. I never thought I could love Pinocchio, let alone his story, so much like I do now (I mean he’s just a wooden boy!) So OUAT writers, I must commend you - this story has touched me just like the Huntsman’s did and it’s like perfect now. Didn’t know where August was gonna fit in originally (and honestly didn’t care) but now you have changed me completely (just like you have made me ship Belle/Rumpel like mad!) and that’s great! Now make every episode awesome like these two were, and we got a killer show!!

Anyhow, I like Pinocchio/August’s character. I find him sexy now, even. O_O He was a sweet boy, and now he’s probably the town/Emma’s only REAL last hope too, because if he doesn’t wake her up I can’t see anyone else who will. Unless….Baelfire? Who knows.

(….And with that, do I hear the possibility of yet another hot mysterious guy showing up in Emma’s life? This chick has it better than Bella from Twilight). 

I also liked how this episode not only delved into Pino’s story and who he really is, but also strung some new strings together by shedding more light on the past! I loved the jump back to the Pilot episode, where we begin to understand what REALLY took place that day everyone got cursed, and also how Emma ended up where she was. And can I say I just love how Pino, a regular wooden boy, ended up being the only other survivor from the curse with a little baby girl princess who would one day become the one to save his father? Now there’s something totally cute and romantic and well….fairy-tale like. 

That being said….ugh. OUAT writers, you sure make it hard for me. I was totally not shipping August/Emma at first but now…now I feel the tuggings on my shipper heartstrings….they’re shipping!! But no! I must remain stuck fast to my original Huntsman/Emma shipping, because it happened first (and sorry but Jamie Dornan is just the hottest). B-But still, this ship is becoming awfully hard to not support too…. it suddenly became so cute and sweet…. so oh FINE I’ll support it. What the heck. I’ll take both August/Emma or Graham/Emma anyday.

(I love both their names too…. Graham and August… ugh Emma is too lucky).

Still, since we know Huntsman WILL be coming back (I think) I have a feeling we might end up with Graham/Emma in the very end (unless he dies again or something). Because these two actually HAD feelings for each other, and revealed them, and Emma warmed up to him best out of everyone, and they kissed. Like. A million times or something. And he died in her arms. And he was suuuuuch a sad tragic character. And he’s hot. I feel like, August/Emma is a good substitue, because August is cute too and has a really good case in that, what better romance story could there be than the young boy who entered a world with you, took care of you, and then came back to find you 28 yrs. later? But can it compare to how Emma wouldn’t even exist…. if Graham hadn’t spared her mother in the first place?

Ah! This gets more conflicted and complicated the more I think about it. Maybe August/Emma works better years-wise, since they were both children together, but Emma and August don’t have the same spark of chemistry that Graham/Emma did (or not AS much - it is there). Mainly I think this is because August is just frustrated right now because he’s dying and this dumb woman refuses to even believe him, and Emma on the other hand is like OMG he’s just another crazy bloke from Crazytown. Whereas, Huntsman was kinda crushing on Emma the whole time, and needed her to feel real, and also feel like he had a heart, and Emma was just kinda like hmmm he’s hot and kinda… weird…. but hot.

OK WHATEVER. I SHIP EM BOTH. I LOVED THIS EPISODE BECAUSE IT MADE ME APPRECIATE AUGUST SO MUCH LIKE YOU HAVE NO IDEA. He has helped fill in a bit of that void I’ve had ever since Graham died.

But when Graham comes back….hoo boy. Wonder how that’ll play out. Maybe they should just have a threesome?

And lastly….I just want to point out my appreciation for the writers also twisting the storyline so that we can’t blame Emma altogether, and I can’t hate her completely. Because apparently, August is partly to blame for all this when he left her alone as a child, and didn’t raise her with the mindset of the “savior” like he was supposed to. Rather, he ran off and forgot his duties and forgot Emma and had a grand 28 yrs. being a hot motorcyclist. And so that’s why Emma’s so screwed up now. That’s why she’s soooo ingrained in disbelief, because she was raised by regular modern people in a world without magic, and now she thinks everyone in Storybrooke is just loony. So I guess, August, in a way, you kinda deserve that bum leg right now. I don’t want you to be in pain, but even you admit you’ve sort of messed up a bit.

But it’s not too late! Keep trying to wake Emma up! Your leg will be fine then, I know it. 

And that also makes August suddenly one of the rather more important characters, a person who didn’t even show up in the first half of the season. Because he’s got a bigger part to play in defeating the curse than I could have imagined. He can still do what he was supposed to do. And it’s twists like these that make me still want to keep watching, and have returned love for this show back to me.

Cue finales and Huntsman return time already!! I can’t wait!

Thoughts on L/P, S/A 



Okay time to finally spill my emotions all over tumblr. Don’t worry, it won’t be happening very often. If you’re a L/P or S/A fan and you can’t take criticism of your preferences, don’t read. Unless you want to discuss. Then go ahead, read the hell out of it. Be outraged.

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(Source: renlybaratheon, via all-aboard-the-ship)

ok last BBT rant for the night. I think. 

so I actually watched the episode now and finished. And ok. It’s not as bad as I thought it would be - I was getting scared out of my pants by a lot of evil spoilers. BUT it’s not exactly pleasant either. I have… to put it simply, mixed feelings. (And like very emotional mixed feelings, actually.)

On the upside, this episode was funnier than a couple of recent ones, which I liked, and which I also think made the whole Shamy thing less painful. Humor is the best medicine, after all.

And there was actually Shenny stuff going on. In fact, -almost- as much as the Shamy. Yes….Shenny is still being mean to each other, but in their own way that is just perfect, and that is what fuels their ship and chemistry.

And the fact that Penny is the one Sheldon actually says “Would you go on a date with me?” MAKES ME HAPPY




But yea on the downside there was all the Shamy stuff going on uggggggg please end it soon scriptwriters 

I know Sheldon will never truly be in a relationship. He shouldn’t be. But I also believed from the very first episode of Season 1 that Shenny would be THE SHIP. I will stay steadfast by it.

And I think there’s hope. Amy’s just a stepping stone. (Sorry, Amy.) Sheldon needed someone to first get him into the dating scene, after all. And afterwards, there is still so much potential left, so much show to do, that I think Shamy will end inevitably and Shenny will (slowly and gradually, albeit agonizingly) happen.

Well, in any case, that’s my shipper heart’s dream.

Now look - I dont really hate Amy. She was a bit annoying when she first appeared on the show and also just felt unnecessary - Bernadette was a wonderful addition; but Amy was just too much. Then I warmed up to her a bit (she was in like almost every darn ep anyhow), but I never shipped her with Sheldon. And I don’t think I ever will.

They just have no chemistry, and they’re both too….Sheldony to ever get anywhere. Lol. I’d like it if Amy was just a friend, or even if she dated Leonard or someone else - just don’t date Sheldon. -___-;

In fact, I could even ship AmyxLeonard. I couuuuld. XD

But yeah, whatever. Here’s to crossing my fingers and hoping that in the long run, my heart won’t be broken. Because if all we ever end up with is Shamy in the end, I just know I will regret watching all seasons after season 4. PLEASE PLEASE BBT DONT MAKE IT LAST FOREVER. AND DON’T BREAK MY HEART OKAY BB?

Also, on an unrelated note - doesn’t anyone feel bad for Stuart?? LOL Poor guy could use a break. I wouldn’t mind if Amy dated him in the end. I’d ship that too. Hell, I’d ship her with anyone else. And Stuart could stop having such low self-esteem. You know what, I honestly think he’d do good with Amy. (He treats her with way more gentlemanly manners than Sheldon does, for a start)

Aaaaand Penny, it’s time for you to stop drinking, snoring, and to realize that Sheldon IS the guy all along.

ugh I hate it when I type up a long-ass response for class

but I do it on the website board like a moron

and it logs me out

and I dont realize

and I hit submit

and I lose every single damn thing I wrote in the last 3 hours

In response to “Julia in Deep Water” 

I just wrote a long as hell paper. But it’s a nice poem, it is, and deserves that. It deserves a good analysis.

I just really like how I ended my long as hell response. “…The truth is that, it is exactly because this world is so ruthless that sometimes the only option to help our loved ones is to be ruthless too - which in itself is perhaps already the most obvious and blatant proof of just how ruthless this world really is. Because when the only way to save the ones we love is to hurt them, then you know for sure that we live in one heck of a broken world.”

Bam. I could write a story just from that. LOL.

Anyways it’s 1 AM and I’m rambling and this stupid post is an hour overdue because I wrote a fucking paper when all the teacher wanted was “one paragraph”. I need to learn how to stop! And shut up! All these other classmates of mine literally write 5-sentence paragraphs and get credit for it, while I write fucking page after page after page and get…the same amount of credit. Rgghhhh.

That’s right, Alice, shut up.

Anyhow here’s the original poem for you to read and contemplate over and feel troubled about (it’s a nice poem and I wanna save it lolol on my tumblr anyways).

The Instructor we hire
Because she does not love you
Leads you into deep water,
The deep end
Where the water is darker—
Her open, encouraging arms
That never get nearer
Are merciless for your sake.

You will dream this water always
Where nothing draws nearer,
Wasting your valuable breath
You will scream for your mother—
Only your mother is drowning
Forever in the thin air
Down at the deep end.
She is doing nothing,
She never did anything harder.
And I am beside her.

I am beside her in this imagination.
We are waiting
Where the water is darker.
You are over your head,
Screaming, you are learning
Your way toward us,
You are learning how
In the helpless water
It is with our skill
We live in what kills us.

—John N. Morris

Good night.



Leonard + Penny? Noo. I’m glad that’s over with now.


why do I like this ship?





I dont know I dont know. So like, it actually wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be. I thought it would be too rushed, and I was freaking out that Rory would die for good LOL (and when he was getting electrified I was like shitshitshit noooo…but then Amy came back for him and OH MY GOD HOW I LOVED THAT WHOLE PART) but yea anyways. It wasn’t actually too bad. It got me really excited and I was bouncing around in my seat the whole time totally hyped up. It was good, had super nice Amy/Rory bits, MENTIONED ROSE TYLER, in fact made all kinds of yummy lummy references, and even made me like River more (and tbh, I’ve always been a bit iffy about her - she was ok but never a favorite). The fact that she stopped time just to save him was sweet. <3 Also, the “wedding” wasn’t too bad - like everyone says, you can see River loves the Doctor, but the Doctor…just ends up trusting her. He’s not in love with her the way he was with Rose, but he does trust this “hell in heels”. And that’s nice. It works for me.

Also, the way Amy killed Madam Kovarian? Sweet. And also, the Silence made good “exciting” moments, and the computer graphics/special effects in this weren’t too shabby! I’m also glad, to be honest, that this wasn’t a finale that contained too much Dalek/Cybermen (which imo got a little old), and had a new monster problem instead.

Now that I’ve summed up the good parts about it, I do have some… things I need to question, things I feel incomplete about. First off, what IS the damn stupid question?

Is it “Doctor Who?” If so, that’s kinda lame lol. Iono. I spose it works, but at the same time, ehh…. Is it because, in the end, no one still knows his name? But….why would that mean…Silence would fall, whether it meant Kovarian’s cult or the Doctor himself? What does his name have to do with anything?? Is it simply because he’s the “oldest thing in the universe”? No offense, but….what about Face of Boe? (The more I think about this, the more confused I’ll get.)

Then again, it seemed at the beginning that BECAUSE Dorian tells the Doctor the question, it is why he has to die now….at first he could have gotten away, but as the saying goes, curiosity killed the cat. Still…halfway through the episode that idea seemed to get lost, so iono again.

And finally, I liked that he doesn’t really tell her his name, so nobody knows still. But then I think, wait…doesn’t she whisper his name to David Tennant in Silence in the Library? If she does, then….what??? How does she know?? That would be another thing that doesn’t make sense, another question unanswered. Still, I could be remembering that wrong.

We also still don’t know what the Doctor saw in his room in God Complex. I thought it might be significant for the finale, but…guess not :(((

Also, the ending to this epsiode seemed just a tad sudden, and not…touching enough a note to be something you end on. Finales (especially if you are leaving us until 2012 fall) should have something a little more…heartwarming, or heartbreaking. But the whole episode was on such a roller coaster that the ending just suddenly felt like I screeched to a halt. I was left there watching the credits roll thinking, “But that’s it???”

True, he’s said his goodbyes to Amy, Rory, Craig and everyone in the last two episodes already. And they were touching and sad. And they probably did that to give this finale all the time it needed. Buuuut….ugh! I wish we could have had some goodbyes here, something to slow us down before we had to stop. This was just too sudden and I feel robbed somehow of DW time! QQ

Furthermore, in this case…..when he says goodbye to Amy and Rory in God Complex, it really is the last time they meet. ;~; At first I was seeing the teasers for this finale thinking YES they meet with him again!! But actually it’s just all another universe and also just all…..during Utah time. :( That time when Doctor sees Amy and Rory in the mall, it really is the end. When you realize he had a chance to say hi to them there, and didn’t, and probably never will again….you FEEL SO FUCKING SAD

Lastly, I can’t help but think that this WHOLE episode, and all the crazy time gone wrong stuff, could have been avoided if the Doctor just told River at Silencio that hi! I’m Teselecta! Kill me it’s ok I’ll still be fine! Then she would never have frozen time for him (and I still don’t get how she did that, either, nor how she stopped the suit) and…everything would have been averted and stuff. Lol. It was like, Doctor, you coulda saved yourself a lot of trouble if you told her then instead of on the top of the pyramid what you had done. So why didn’t you?? And whatchu get all disappointed in her for? You’re the one that didn’t tell her your whole plan initially ):<

Also, if the other timeline ended up not happening because time begins to start again, then…does that mean Madame Kovarian is still alive somewhere out there?? Ew no, please tell me she’s somehow dead permanently UGH. Same with the Silence. DOUBLE UGH

And also….does this mean the Doctor is now officially 1100+ years old?? Christ. And using the Teselecta to escape death….seemed slightly like a cheap shot to me, but whatever. It works I guess. I just wish something more epic was done (I was actually all for River somehow dying but saving his life with her death, but I guess she has to die in Silence in the Library so MEH OK MOFFAT)


So….sigh. I DONT KNOW. It was good, but not perfect. It could have been a little more solid in clarifying everything. Sure, it answered a lot of stuff. Everything was clicking into place. But then, at the end, you still feel like….WAIT - WHAT ABOUT…THIS AND THAT…WAIT

I guess that’s why the reviews said, “It raises new questions.” FFFFF! How am I supposed to wait until next year for Series 7?? WHAT AM I GONNA DO FOR A YEAR AND THERE WILL BE NO MORE AMY AND RORY I AM GOING TO BE SO SAD.

I doubt Xmas Special will really answer too many questions, because usually those are a bit disconnected to the main plot :(

And is it too much to hope that Amy and Rory will be in the Xmas special? And that…I will get more proper farewells to soothe my aching heart in that one too? Doubt it, somehow…

I suppose that’s all I had to say. As a whole, I did like it, it was satisfying just till the very end when I was like Rory/amy COME BACK :( So I’ll just end it with….how hot was Rory when he was sacrificing himself for Amy and Co. again?? BAH I LOVE HIS CHARACTER SO MUCH NOW. THAT SCENE WAS THE BEST THING IN THIS WHOLE EP LOL. And also the Rose Tyler mention. Doctor, your heart stays true~~~ <3 

God Complex…. 

=( Why are all the recent episodes sad. Like Girl Who Waited. That was already too sad.

And now this. I can’t. I’m not ready for Amy and Rory to be gone yet, and Rory didn’t even get a proper goodbye with the Doctor, he just comes out all happy with a bottle and a smile and then sees the Doctor vanishing….. I CANT.

And I already thought it was bad enough when the Doctor was saving Amy by disillusioning her love and faith in him and breaking her heart in a way and his simultaneously….I was like NO WHY THE SAD NOBLE HERO-NESS WHY PLEASE DONT SAY THOSE THINGS QQ

I was crying already but never, never did I think he was going to leave them in this episode too…it’s only ep 11…..IT’S TOO EARLY!!!! WHY???

And then I see on my dash that I’m going to have to WAIT A YEAR for more DW?? WHAT???? WHY?!!!! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO FOR A YEAR HELLO

…Amy/Rory better come back in the finale or smth idc but they have to or I’m going to die.



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